Leviticus 15 in clarity

On a number of occasions, people have asked for me to give my thoughts on Leviticus 15. It is a problematic chapter for them, specifically the latter half. Basically, what it says is that if a man ejaculates, everything the semen touches is “unclean”. If a couple have sex, they are “unclean”. And a woman is “unclean” during and seven days following her menstruation. I think I am right in saying that it is the term “unclean” that creates the problem. Just to clarify, this is ceremonial uncleanliness. Whilst unclean, you can’t offer a sacrifice or participate in a couple other religious ceremonies. That’s it. While basic pre-soap sanitation is at work, if you read the whole book; most people would spend most of their time being unclean. Unclean, by Levitical law, is almost the norm. The point of this is not to make you dirty and wicked, it’s to make the ceremonies special. The point is that cleanliness requires special effort, going out of your way, in a word: preparation. Levitical law is not meant to point us towards our flaws, but to God’s perfection. Sacred ceremonies required personal preparation which was meant to be a time of meditation upon the act you are preparing for. Think of religious ceremonies as a date. You put on your nice clothes, use special perfume/cologne, you’re on specific behaviors. You prepare for a date by making yourself presentable. This does not mean your jeans and t-shirt are shameful or anything, it means that the date is a special time that deserves special attention. The same is true of religious ceremonies; Levitical law is just the prescription for getting gussied-up for God.

 

Sex and the Christian Single (part 1)

The standing philosophy, as any graduate of a Bible College knows, is that sex has no place at all in the life of the single Christian. The logic being that sex is a marital act and, therefore, has no place outside of a married relationship. Which works as long as all we’re talking about is intercourse. However, the contemporary thought, fearing the sin of lust, is to remove even sex in the abstract from the single’s life. This idea that purity equals naivete. The result of this approach is that Christians too often find themselves totally unprepared for sex when the proper time comes or (and I’m not entirely sure which is worse, for reasons I’ll explain) they are overcome with basic human curiosity and “jump the gun”.

 

I say I’m not sure which is worse because, in the first case, while there’s no sin in being even abjectly unprepared for your honeymoon, the fall-out is that these Christians bring an element of shame to their marriage bed which further silences them on the subject, damages the marriage (contributing to divorce rates), lends creedance to the belief that multiple partners is nessa to be good in bed (a stumbling block to many), reinforces the stereotype that good sex ends at marriage (yet another big stumbling block), and hamstrings a major part of our understanding of God. Yep. Insufficient sex ed is, in my belief, the #1 root of Christian divorces.

 

Our culture leaves little to the imagination, so the issue isn’t one of Tab-A-Slot-B. Because our world is saturated in the sweat of the heaving breasts that sell us everything from wonder-bras to web-hosting, a mechanical understanding of sex is not enough for the Christian. I’m talking about a philosophical education, here; attitudes, not anatomy. We are coming to bed with God’s rules and the world’s opinions. To illustrate…

 

Imagine you’re making dinner for a nine-year-old’s birthday. So, you take free-range, boneless, veinless, etc. chicken breast, wrap it with slices of corn-fed ham smoked and marinated to knee-weakening perfection, topped with a sauce of emmental cheese cultured in the heart of Berne, seasoned evenly with young basil and just a hint of cinnamon; and, on the side, a serving of perfectly ripened macintosh apple circles in an oh-so-lite cherry sauce. It’s a dinner that will (or ought to) make a grown man cry. You present the meal to our nine-year-old and his reply is “I wanted a Happy Meal.” A proper Happy Meal, mind you, none of this ‘healthy alternative’ nonsense. He wants that processed and colored chemical pancake old Ronald calls a hamburger with over-greased, under-salted french fries and a Coke (the devil’s drink). Remember being a kid and wanting Happy Meals? Remember why you wanted them? THE TOY! Culinary choices being made by factors that have no relation with the food itself!

 

Victoria’s Secret commercials have about as much to do with the real purpose of sex as a Hot Wheels car has with the flavor of your McNuggets. If God’s purpose for sex was a car, physical pleasure would be the doors (I’m picturing a Delorian, here, FYI) and procreation the trunk (hatch-back, if you’re Baptist). Given the current state of popular Christian sex ed, honeymooners are prepared to do little more than climb in the front seat, grab the steering wheel and yell “Vroom” (or whisper “zoom zoom” licentiously, their pick). After they’ve gone hoarse, they may discover there’s a key in the ignition, turn it and, if they are very lucky, teach themselves to drive without totaling their Delorian.

 

I’ve heard tales of male seminary students calling their mothers on their honeymoon, so ill-equipped were they. That’s not even the worst-case scenario. At least, that guy knew to seek guidance. The truth is that sex must be a part of the Christian single’s life if the Christian’s marriage is to reach maturity. Bad sex doesn’t guarantee divorce, even no sex doesn’t stamp that one. However, those first five years are make or break, statistically speaking. Five years of married sex is not enough to undo twenty years’ bad education. If Christians are to have marriage as God intended it, we have to walk across the threshhold with a redeemed view of sex in our arms.

 

Sex & Power

Approaching sex as a connection between souls, rather than just a recreational activity, makes it fairly to see why withholding sex from one’s spouse is a definite ‘no-no’ in Christian thought. It’s a bit like locking your spouse outside without their keys. As a playful tease, it can be a lot of fun (i.e. playing hard to get); but as a tactic in an argument, it’s just mean. Humans wrap up a lot of emotions in being sexually desirable. People who have given up trying to be physically attractive have some pretty deep wounds. It’s tantamount to calling your wife fat or your husband a waste of life. Bullocks if it’s true or not, you just don’t say those things.

That’s my rapid fire stance on using sex as power in another strata. Now for he much more interesting discussion of using power within the sexual strata.

Many spiritual people shy away from the use of personal power in sex. There is an assumption of superiority, which carries ideals about respect, that don’t sync with their sexual paradigm. To these people, I say “lovely”. If it doesn’t get one of you off, there’s no point in bringing it to bed. However, there remains a contingent that find power use in sex (known as the Dom/Sub dynamic) intriguing to really, really hot. Many of these are conflicted because of how many other religious and spiritual people are uninterested or opposed to the Dom/Sub thing.

Let’s clarify some myths. Dom/Sub, Domination/Submission, is the adoption of a static power structure during sex, even if it’s just one session. And it can be just one session, or once a month/week, birthdays… whatever. The terms are kind of scary, yes, and conjure images of the rave scenes from the ‘Matrix’ movies. It dark and dirty and forbidden and there’s a lot of this ‘sin’ mythos surrounding it. In reality, that’s the extreme and largely professional (as in “paid”) world of Dom/Sub. For the every day couple, “amateurs” if you will, there needs be nothing dark or dirty about it. A & B agree that B will do whatever A wants; A is the boss. Now, A gets to pro-actively direct the love-making and B does what they’re told. That’s what it boils down to. Typically, there are penalties for B should A not be obeyed. These don’t have to be scary, either. A quick spank on the rump or temporarily denied orgasm, which are really just healthy tension builders. Note that I didn’t specify genders. Men, being Sub to your wife is nothing to be ashamed of.

I’m not categorically for or against this practice. Under the right circumstances, it is a mutually exciting, bonding time (even when actual bonds aren’t employed). The Dom/Sub I oppose is when it’s an ego thing for the Dom or a form of abuse. I see healthy Dom/Sub as a great picture of the Christian life. If there are any Baptists still reading, put your eyes back in your sockets and pull those jaws back up.Good Dom/Sub has less to do with power than trust and more to do with surrender than authority. When Dom is done right, it is an act of service to the Sub. Gotta love that paradox. The Sub is putting their trust in the Dom and a good Dom will hold that trust as something precious and delicate. The same is true of ministry.

As the believer in the believer/non-believer dynamic, or Zel/Non, it is your responsibility to bring healing, kindness, and love to the dynamic just as much as truth. The only reason to witness is the belief that you have something that will benefit the Non. You are trying to enrich their lives; this is an act of service.

Likewise, being the Dom, you are trying to enrich the pleasure life of your Sub. There are few things more gratifying than finding someone you can trust. Falling blind, knowing you will be caught. It is a liberating surrender. By proving yourself worthy of that trust, you are serving the one who trusts you.

When another surrenders their own strength to you, it makes you stronger. Humans are designed that way, it’s part of the whole community thing. What’s really brilliant, is that when you surrender to another, their strength flows into you. You become two people mutually sharing strength with no deficit. You are now both, roughly, twice as strong. Of course, I’m referring to emotional and spiritual strength, but similar precepts exist in the physical and intellectual realms as well.

This is the real beauty of the Dom/Sub dynamic: it exercises trust and deepens the connection between partners, in addition to fulfilling a fantasy and, hopefully, providing you with REALLY hot sex.

 

Ask the Monk: What does God really think about Sex?

Originally posted by TBK at  The Beautiful Kind

 

Dear Monk,

I like having you as my patron monk. So tell me, what does God REALLY think about sex? Is there anything on my blog that is clearly a religious no-no? Also, do you have to be abstinent? Can you ever marry? If so, what if your wife got off on being called a dirty little slut in the bedroom – could you pull that off? What kind of monk are you, anyway? Are you a virgin?

Love, The Slut aka TBK