Okay, so lacking any inspirations of late, I’ve decided to address kinky sex and where I think Christians ought to land on the subject. Put quite simply, I’m for it. On the mystic level, sex is the wedding vow. You can’t get more physically intimate than the good old missionary position, you really can’t (unless you have scars or something that you’re really sensitive about, but you catch my drift). You are vulnerable, exposed. In perfect intimacy, everything is laid open, bare and nothing is off limits.

 

Don’t misunderstand me on that one; once you’re in the club, nothing is off limits, but there is a morality bouncer. I’ve searched for a sufficient metaphor on this one and I’m blank so far. Here is what I keep coming back to:

 

Some things ought to be a certain way, if they are not, they ought not.

 

The universe has an order, our bodies are perfect example of this. Blood, bile and acid all work in our favor, but only when they are where they are supposed to be. Watch almost any episode of ‘House’ and they never get in a bigger rush than when some fluid is going where it doesn’t belong. There is no getting around that you’re only supposed to have one living person in that club with you and they’ve gotta be of the opposite sex.

 

I understand that the love a lesbian woman feels for another lesbian is as real as what a straight man feels for his wife. Honest, I really do get that. There is a tragedy in homosexual love for me. For all its sincerity, it is invalid and there is just no getting around that.

 

An equal tragedy is that almost everything beyond the missionary position has gotten this “worldly” taint thrown on it. That two Christians can carry on a lifetime of sexual interaction and never explore the most obvious of variations is mind-boggling to me. So, I want to address some sexual “kinks” from the Biblical perspective that I hope I approach all things with. Not really knowing where to start, I asked my atheist, kinky sex expert friend, TBK, for her list of must-tries. This way I’d get a mix of acceptable and unacceptable behaviors and, hopefully, get some suggestions in the comments for gaps to fill in for later posts.

 

Without further ado…

 

1. Anal play

Many people, myself included, are put-off by the very idea. I mean, this is pretty much the least sanitary part of our bodies. (I’ve often wondered why God chose to put our excretions in with our genitals; no answer, so far.) The counter argument is that anal play, including penetration, feels absolutely amazing (once you get used to it).

 

On the sanitation issue, I’ll just say that urine is no worse than excriment and let you sort that one out yourself. There are no Biblical allusions to heterosexual anal play and none of the principals of proper sex are infringed upon by anal play itself. So, while I wouldn’t put it on my personal recommendation list, it’s fair game from the God corner.

 

2. Threesome

Straight for the jugular. Thanks, TBK.

 

Because there are only two sexes, any threesome neccessarily will have something, at least, akin to homosexuality. Ergo…. There could be a counter argument made that, since the Old Testament seems to condone polygamy of the MFF variety, two wives pleasuring their husband without attending each other would be good and right. Ten years ago, this wouldn’t be worth considering, but polyamory is a growing phenominon and since God’s view of marriage is not constrained by our government’s, there’s a very real possibility that some believers may set themselves up in the Isaac way.

 

Polyamory is a big issue that I’ll have to come back to. However, the end is that there’s no way to have a threesome without crossing the homosexual line. Categorically, it’s out.

 

3. Tying and being tied up

A little light bondage… where to start? Bondage on any level has been thuroughly covered in the image of dirty deviance. While any sexual activity that uses pain as a facilitator for pleasure is off the Christian table, bondage does not mean whips. Partner A is restrained, hand-cuffs are popular but silk scarves would work just as well. (As they say in the Coast Guard: If you can’t tie a knot, tie a lot.)

 

I’m all for bondage, within certain parameters (no injury, avoid pain). I’d even encourage it for couples who have been married for a while. Being bound brings in whole new levels of trust. You are helpless in the hands of your spouse and now they are going to deliver incredible pleasure. If that doesn’t make you feel closer, you’ve got real problems. Intimacy is all about trust, sex is intimacy incarnate, so maintaining trust in the bedroom is absolutely key to maintaining a healthy marriage.

 

 

Okay, that’s all for now. Please comment, more to come.