The standing philosophy, as any graduate of a Bible College knows, is that sex has no place at all in the life of the single Christian. The logic being that sex is a marital act and, therefore, has no place outside of a married relationship. Which works as long as all we’re talking about is intercourse. However, the contemporary thought, fearing the sin of lust, is to remove even sex in the abstract from the single’s life. This idea that purity equals naivete. The result of this approach is that Christians too often find themselves totally unprepared for sex when the proper time comes or (and I’m not entirely sure which is worse, for reasons I’ll explain) they are overcome with basic human curiosity and “jump the gun”.

 

I say I’m not sure which is worse because, in the first case, while there’s no sin in being even abjectly unprepared for your honeymoon, the fall-out is that these Christians bring an element of shame to their marriage bed which further silences them on the subject, damages the marriage (contributing to divorce rates), lends creedance to the belief that multiple partners is nessa to be good in bed (a stumbling block to many), reinforces the stereotype that good sex ends at marriage (yet another big stumbling block), and hamstrings a major part of our understanding of God. Yep. Insufficient sex ed is, in my belief, the #1 root of Christian divorces.

 

Our culture leaves little to the imagination, so the issue isn’t one of Tab-A-Slot-B. Because our world is saturated in the sweat of the heaving breasts that sell us everything from wonder-bras to web-hosting, a mechanical understanding of sex is not enough for the Christian. I’m talking about a philosophical education, here; attitudes, not anatomy. We are coming to bed with God’s rules and the world’s opinions. To illustrate…

 

Imagine you’re making dinner for a nine-year-old’s birthday. So, you take free-range, boneless, veinless, etc. chicken breast, wrap it with slices of corn-fed ham smoked and marinated to knee-weakening perfection, topped with a sauce of emmental cheese cultured in the heart of Berne, seasoned evenly with young basil and just a hint of cinnamon; and, on the side, a serving of perfectly ripened macintosh apple circles in an oh-so-lite cherry sauce. It’s a dinner that will (or ought to) make a grown man cry. You present the meal to our nine-year-old and his reply is “I wanted a Happy Meal.” A proper Happy Meal, mind you, none of this ‘healthy alternative’ nonsense. He wants that processed and colored chemical pancake old Ronald calls a hamburger with over-greased, under-salted french fries and a Coke (the devil’s drink). Remember being a kid and wanting Happy Meals? Remember why you wanted them? THE TOY! Culinary choices being made by factors that have no relation with the food itself!

 

Victoria’s Secret commercials have about as much to do with the real purpose of sex as a Hot Wheels car has with the flavor of your McNuggets. If God’s purpose for sex was a car, physical pleasure would be the doors (I’m picturing a Delorian, here, FYI) and procreation the trunk (hatch-back, if you’re Baptist). Given the current state of popular Christian sex ed, honeymooners are prepared to do little more than climb in the front seat, grab the steering wheel and yell “Vroom” (or whisper “zoom zoom” licentiously, their pick). After they’ve gone hoarse, they may discover there’s a key in the ignition, turn it and, if they are very lucky, teach themselves to drive without totaling their Delorian.

 

I’ve heard tales of male seminary students calling their mothers on their honeymoon, so ill-equipped were they. That’s not even the worst-case scenario. At least, that guy knew to seek guidance. The truth is that sex must be a part of the Christian single’s life if the Christian’s marriage is to reach maturity. Bad sex doesn’t guarantee divorce, even no sex doesn’t stamp that one. However, those first five years are make or break, statistically speaking. Five years of married sex is not enough to undo twenty years’ bad education. If Christians are to have marriage as God intended it, we have to walk across the threshhold with a redeemed view of sex in our arms.